Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
