I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
