guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
