my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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