Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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