There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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