The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
