theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
