Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize