I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
