i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
