Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A+ Viking dick
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
