..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize