i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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