i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
