How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
