i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
