He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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