Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
