Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
