ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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