what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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