Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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