there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize