Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
