either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
