Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
