Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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