i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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