we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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