Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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