I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
