Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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