so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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