Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
