Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
no, he came in my armpit
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
