booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
