oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
