my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
