so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
