youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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