I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
