i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
the liver wants what the liver wants
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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