Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
