that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
