I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
