my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Congratulations! We have a period
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