names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
