You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
