You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
