K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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