I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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