i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
