The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
