id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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