I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
