I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
