all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize