all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
