one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
