Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
