you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
