Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
