Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
