hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
