we're blogging at a bar
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
