We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
