standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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