Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
