you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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