Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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