dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
