In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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