I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize