Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
