even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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