dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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