She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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