this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
