Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
