Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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