now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
