I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
