I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize