So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
