problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
