Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
