the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i think i just lost a toe
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
