She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
