I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
