I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize