he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
