running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
