Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
