She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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