Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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