How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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