Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
