he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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