Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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