He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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