she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize