Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
