Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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