You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
