Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
