You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
