i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
