my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize